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The Dreaded Christmas Letter

10 Dec

Everyone gets one from somebody. I have yet to receive one this year. In the mail… I did receive one by email. I guess that is one way to save money.

I decided to write mine here. I will not brag about my kids and how great they are. If you have ever read anything I have written, you know that I am more of a sarcastic mom and am often more embarrassed than given to bragging rights! Well except that one year when I wrote a bragging Christmas letter on purpose for the Spin Cycle. That was fun! But seriously, here is our letter:

Dear Family and Friends (you know who you are):

2010 has been (BIG A, I SAID GET AWAY FROM HIM!!) Seriously, not five minutes can go by in peace.

I will start with Big A. He turned 7 this year and is in Second grade. He is doing ok, I guess. Spelling and writing are his worst subjects. He hates to write. His handwriting is so sloppy. He definitely takes after his Father in the fact that he loves math and science. Not my stronger subjects. Write a nonsense story with your spelling words? Mom is all over it! Change your letters into numbers and add them all up for fun? Go ask your Dad. It is silly what they ask these kids to do for their homework.

Big A has also turned into a football fanatic. His Father loves this. They watch games together, they talk about it, they go toss one around outside in the snow. It’s boring. But Big A does have the right build for it and will be trying out for some team or Little League something next year. Hubs has his ideas and he can run with them. I just tune out when they start talking about it. It will be one thing when he is on a team and I am watching him play, but now I just find it is a good time to nap.

Little A, what to say. He is a handful. He is mouthy but adorable. Most days I want to strangle him or best, remove his voice box. Sometimes I just want to drive him to school in silence, is that too much to ask? If I ever hear the word Mommy again, it will be too soon. Now I know why my mom changed her name when we were little. She would only answer to Gladys. I thought she was weird. Turns out, she is very, very wise.

He is still in preschool until next Fall. He didn’t turn 5 soon enough for the school’s tastes. It’s ok though, because I don’t think he is ready. He has the attention span of a gnat but the memory of an elephant. How does that work? Even his favorite teacher has had it with him this week. I told her long ago she would rue the day she let him into her class. RUE IT! But no one listens to me. Especially not the boys. As my boss says, “FOR THE LOVE!” Some days I just want to crawl in a hole for a very long game of hide and seek. But not the seek part.

Despite all of these things, they are both the light of my life and I would just be completely heartbroken without them. I love them very much and at the end of the day, when hope is near because they will soon be nice and quiet in their beds, they are so sweet and loving that the whole day of horror is erased in seconds with the feel of their little arms giving me a hug. That and a big margarita.

On to the Hubs. He is still working at CDW with Blackberry. This is his 10th year so recently he brought home a catalog of gifts he could pick out. Sweet! We picked out tickets for 4 to go anywhere in the continental US. VACATION!!! I am picking anywhere warm.

He also has been working on our little place to give it some more value. Some day we will get out of here, but for now, I have all new doors! Now he just needs to finish them and re-do the trim and stuff. Most of the doors lock now, too, which they didn’t before. That was sometimes an issue of privacy. You never knew when someone was going to bust in on you. Right now I am waiting for him to get his cute patoot home with my dinner. Pizza! I am dying!!! OK, he came home and I just plowed through half of a pizza. That was delicious! When I asked if there was anything special he wanted me to add to our Christmas letter, he said he would like me to inform you that he loves his wife very much. Awww!

Nutmeg, the bunny, has been doing well. He is driven to chew his way out of his cage. Someday he just might do it. He has chewed up two litter boxes and almost a whole log tunnel (the tunnel is specifically made for such chewing purposes). Thankfully, the only chewing victims of our belongings were one RockBand drum pedal cord and a cord for the PS3 controller charger. And maybe a little bit of leather on the bottom of our new couches, but that is barely noticeable. He was a hit at my girl’s Christmas party this year. Everyone loved him. They all have cats so they are animal lovers. All except one. And she kept her distance. I think she thinks he is cute but she was not about to chase him around the floor for a quick pet behind the ears.

That leaves me. I changed companies earlier in the year and started working from home and for less hours. It has been amazing. I was so stressed at my last company and during the busy times I rarely saw my family. Now, I rarely see anyone but family which can be challenging, too, but so much better for my health! And let me tell you, I don’t miss the random coworker who would stab you in the back as soon as look at you.

It has been so relaxing that we even managed to get pregnant! Which when we tried before Little A, it wasn’t as easy and now I think it was all because of the physical stress I was under.  I am almost through my 1st trimester, much to Hubby’s excitement. I have been so tired these last few months and have had next to nothing of that drive that got me into this predicament. He is hoping THAT will pass. Hey, it is exhausting growing and carrying around this extra cargo. Or ExCargo as we like to call her. Keep your fingers crossed that this baby will be a girl. I think we will find out in early February what the sex will be. I am going to wear out my knees praying but I will be referring to ExCargo as a girl, just an FYI.

That is it for us, dear friends! We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year!

Much Love,

The D.M. Wright Family

What do you think? Yeah, I am glad I saved on that postage… 🙂


Worst MOM Day Ever!

10 May

Hey, long time no see! I have been in the midst of a few transitions recently. I have a new job. A wonderful, exciting new job where I can work less hours, work from home, and be there for the kids after school. It is similar to what I have been doing, without the intensely painful stomach ulcers that I was developing. And did I mention less hours?!

We also got a bunny for Big A’s birthday. He is absolutely the cutest thing ever. His name is Nutmeg and he is a just over two-month old Mini-Rex (it is a short hair and better for the A’s allergies). Everyone seems to be getting along all right so we think we are clear in that area. I took him to the vet after we bought him from the pet store because I think that pet store vets are like optometrists. At least the one I went to. Seriously, get more schooling! They were over prescribing me for years! My eyes weren’t as bad as they said. But I digress.. So I took Nutmeg to the real vet (opthamologist ;)) and coincidentally one that worked for the Society of House Rabbits at one point. She said Nutmeg has conjunctivitis. So I have been putting eyedrops in his eyes twice a day. I got a stye in my eye the same week before we bought him. Hubby says I gave him conjunctivitis. Still not sure if that is possible. Hubby is mean.

Anyways, Nutty likes to be out of his cage. LOVES IT! He practically lifts up his little paws for me to take him out. And when he runs around the living room, he does these little twist hops. It is so freaking cute. We can tell that he is happy to be with us. And boy am I wrapped around one of those little paws already. I am glad we found him. At first I called rabbit shelters. I was trying to do the humane thing and get one from there, maybe even the gorgeous one I saw online one with one ear named Uno. Some of those poor bunnies were in bad shape and need of a good family! But none of them called me back and they weren’t open when they said they would be so I gave up. We are not going to turn around and abandon Nutmeg anyways. We will be good pet owners 🙂

So back to the worst Mom day ever. It wasn’t Mother’s Day. That was very nice. Hubby got me a bunch of gift cards to cover anything I could possibly want, got bagels for breakfast and made chocolate chip banana bread! Then I spent the afternoon with my mom, sister and niece and we saw The Back Up Plan and had ice cream afterwards. Cute movie!

No, I mean TODAY was a day when I actually thought, I HATE being a mom. In the movie yesterday there was a part where her friend had a bunch of kids and her house, her clothes and her hair was a mess, and the kids were running around screaming. And she is trying to clean a chicken for dinner and she left the room for a second and then suddenly this horde of kids runs by and they have her chicken and they are playing with it. She yells at them uselessly and then just stops and says, “I hate them!” That was me today. Even though I really love them to death! For some moms, it might be just another one of their days – a typical day. I guess I am lucky and these kinds of days are few and far between. I got to hand it to those moms that have more than two kids. Those moms are amazing. I also think they are crazy. One foot in the door of the looney bin. No offense, moms. Just sayin’.

So my new boss -I LOVE her -decided to implement summer hours. She and I will both get one day off a week until after the fall. She is amazing! This will help a ton when Big A is home for the summer. So today was my first day off. Although I shortened it to just a half day this week. I was looking forward to a morning of quiet happiness. Sleeping in, a little work out, throw in some laundry (ok, A LOT of laundry) a shower and a nice lunch and then I would settle down to work. Fabulous! But NO! Little A decided he didn’t feel well. He even had a small fever and said his head hurt. I felt bad for him, but was also a little irritated. This was MY morning. So Hubs went to work and I saw Big A off to the bus. Little A watched some cartoons while I tried to do some of that sleeping in. Hard when he came in every five minutes wanting something.  Then I decided to get up and work out. I booted him out of the living room and into his room. The work out felt good! Then a shower then lunch – I put him down for a nap and started working. I adjusted. It’s what moms do.

Around 3:30, he woke up and I gave him some more medicine, grape medicine (Grape = purple) for his fever and headache and a little piece of chocolate (chocolate = brown) since he was such a good boy. Then I had just sat down in the office again when I heard frantic crying. I ran in the living room as he is running to the kitchen. “Do you have to throw up?” He’s nodding and whining and twirling for some damn reason! Not knowing where to go first, I guess. So then he runs toward me, towards the bathroom and then it was too late. The carpet gets it first and then he comes closer and my feet (bare feet) and my jeans get it next. Then more of the carpet and some of the bathroom tile and rug. Then some wall and some door. Thank God Nutmeg wasn’t running around at the time. Which would have A) added to the mess and B) given us a chocolate covered fur ball. Can you imagine the horror of little chocolate bunny foot prints all over the room?! OMG. Thank goodness for small miracles. He makes enough of his own mess with his little marbles he leaves in the corners of the room. My boss calls it being like a pez dispenser so that is what Hubby has been calling it now – pezzing. Back to the mess…I stood there, covered in chocolate. IT WAS JUST A LITTLE PIECE!! WTF?! I stared down at the mess and wished it away on its own. Little A was groaning with a big chocolate drool dangling down to the floor. Chocolate drool oozed between my toes. I wanted to cry. I ushered him to the toilet and told him to finish and then ran to get paper towels. Cleaning it up, I realized that my soiled jeans were adding to the mess so I stripped them off and finished cleaning in my underwear. In the midst of it all, Big A had come home from school. He threw his backpack down and headed for the kitchen. A little while later, while I am up to my knees and elbows in chocolate and grape mess, and oh, is that some hot dog from lunch? Fabulous. Now little chunks were added to the equation and my nose is running. Why does your nose run after looking down for so long? And after awhile I finally hear what Big A has been saying over and over again for the past five minutes. “Mom, I’m hungry!” I stop, pretty angry, and say, “Son, do I look like I am available to make you a delicious snack right now?!” I think I might have screamed it. Possibly. He leaves, irked at me, to find his own snack.

Awhile later, after putting some chocolate covered laundry in the washer, I heard the door buzzing and the kids letting in some man from the census bureau! Thankfully I had already gotten some pants on by this point. Turns out the neighbor didn’t fill out her form – NOT ME! Note to self: have ANOTHER talk to boys about just buzzing anyone in to the building.

As I sit down to work again, I hear “Uh oh…..awwwwwww, you spilled!” I closed my eyes. I take a deep breath. I go in the kitchen to find both of them wearing their Spiderman Halloween costumes in the midst of spilled apple juice. Fabulous. WTF? Then comes the hysterical laughter. I guess it doesn’t have to be more than two kids!

Then hubby calls, ten minutes until eight pm as I write this who said he was leaving at 5:30 to come home and HELP ME! “I am surprised you haven’t called me.” He says. “I HAVE HAD MY HANDS A LITTLE FULL TODAY!” “I’m on my way home.” “FABULOUS.”

And now as I write this, AN ADDED BONUS! Crash! “WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?!?!?!?!” “Cleaning” is the answer. “CLEANING WHAT?!” For some reason I can’t get my voice to come down to a normal level. And I am twitching. “Cleaning the meroe!” “THE MIRROR? WITH WHAT?!” “Soap. See…all clean!” “GAH!!”

Has it been that long?!

18 Feb

I can’t believe I haven’t written since last year! Time has been flying! Let’s see, what has been going on…

Nothing much. Isn’t that sad? Lots of work. Lots of traveling for work – I have been to San Antonio for a conference and Sunday I leave for Alexandria, VA for some training. Then in March I am going to Hawaii for my ten year anniversary with Hubby (not work)!  I can’t wait! I have been keeping an eye on the weather there and it has been in the eighties! Oh, sweet warmth! Then I must go see my niece Aimee soon. She is about to have baby #4, Kai! Malakai Bass. I forgot his middle name. Something Hawaiian. Then I believe I will be going to Sacramento in June for another conference – busy, busy!! And I started a core yoga class which is envirgorating. Except this one pose: bound side angle. As I said on a Facebook status, “That sh** ain’t right.”  You shouldn’t be able to do that and most of us in my class can’t.

Hubby has been busy working, too. Busy watching the kids when I am gone. He’s such a good hubby. He takes good care of them! And he has been having internal struggles with whether or not he should have facial hair. We even polled our friends on Facebook about it. Really? Really.

Big A has been enjoying 1st grade. He lost 2 more teeth this year and now resembles my Great Grandpa Vernon. RIP, Grandpa. I’m kidding. I have no Grandpa Vernon. But that gave you a great visual, didn’t it?

Big A has overcome some bully issues and is probably quite capable of being a latch key kid. God forbid we let that happen as we would surely be arrested and the kids sent off to some home. I remember when I was a latch key kid at the tender age of 7 and when I was chased by a 6th grader threatening to beat me up through the neighborhood.  But those were way different times!!

Little A is still kickin around in preschool. A very clever boy. Some things he has said recently that just crack me up are:

When told by his teacher that he’s a good eater and when he is a teenager his mom and dad won’t be able to feed him, he says, “I can feed myself!”

He told me he wanted a baby sister and I told him he better ask his dad for one. When dad asked how he was supposed to make one, Little A said, “Wood. That is how God makes us. Out of wood. Wood and glue. I’m sewious.”

Even Big A cracked one off. When dad said, “Little A, quit running around naked and put some clothes on!” Big A said, “Dad…we are all naked under our clothes.”

They are here all week, folks! Try the veal.