Can I speak with your Mother?

8 Dec

No one wants to hear those words about their child from a random neighbor in the hood. Well, last week, I heard it. I felt like I was in trouble. I opened the front door to find this woman from down the street. She said, “I was waiting for my son’s bus when I saw your son get off his bus. Then he walked up to my candy cane decorations and started spitting on them and licking them. I could see saliva flying everywhere. You know, I have to handle these decorations when I take them down and I don’t want to be touching someone else’s saliva!”

Really? I stood there in shock. My son would never lick anything other than food. I truly believed that. OK, weird lady, A) You really think that saliva is still going to be on them after winter snow and storms all month? Plus the fact that germs can not survive out in this cold weather. B) You are just silly. Of all the things to complain about. If those were my decorations, I would just shake my head and think, what a stupid kid. He is not really licking those candy cane decorations, is he? Then I would shrug and move on with my day. Who cares? It’s not like he threw a rock at my window or car or pushed my kid into the snow or something mean. I think my shock was from her complaint and not the fact that my son might have licked her decorations. I just couldn’t believe that those words were coming out of her mouth.

What could I do? I want to be a courteous and kind neighbor. God forbid if her kid comes over and pees in my grass, she sure as hell is going to clean that pee up.

I said, “OK, that’s gross. I apologize. I will have him come clean them with some Clorox wipes.”

“Great, I would really appreciate it.” And she left.

“Hey, Big A….” I closed the door and turned to him, who had heard the whole thing.

“No, I didn’t lick her decorations! I was just pretending! I didn’t really lick or spit on them!” He cried. He was mortified. A clear case of He Said/She Said. And I was going to make him go wipe them down. I felt so bad for him.

“We just need to do it to be good neighbors, ok? She thinks she saw you doing it. Let’s just make her happy, ok? I’m sorry, buddy.” So I got him some plastic shopping bags and wipes and off he went. My mom was over so she went to watch over him.

When he came back, he was crying. I felt terrible. But I think it had to be done. Hubby says, he needs to get in trouble once in a while to learn. You bet he’s never going to pretend to lick anyone’s decorations again.

Although, I did remind him not to do it the next day as he left for the bus. He just gave me a look and said, “Bye, Mom.”

I giggled. It was kind of funny. As I posted as my status on Facebook that morning, years ago that would have made me question my parenting skills. Now it just makes me laugh.

What kind of world is this where we can’t pretend anymore? I have to admit, as a kid, I probably would have done the same thing. It’s Christmas! He was out there walking in a Winter Wonderland with glorious, ginormous candy canes and glittering lights! Santa is coming soon and he has been a good boy! What could it hurt to pretend that you were licking a giant candy cane as you skip around the display?!

Just don’t do it in The Grinch Lady’s yard.

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One Response to “Can I speak with your Mother?”

  1. Donna December 8, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    Reminds me of the neighbor who wouldn’t let the kids jump on their grass off the trampoline, really???? The following week, there was a fence up. Some people really get into what is theirs should not be touched by others. Love Big A and he is a good boy!

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