Christmas Wish List

This week’s spin is to write what we would like for Christmas. Can I just say that I don’t really want anything? Really. Stop laughing.

And please don’t gag, but I have to say that I have everything I could possibly need. A healthy family, a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, running cars, and money in the bank. Yah, I know…I am a spoiled brat!

So as far as material items, no, I’m good. Other things I would like would be:

•  NO, not World Peace. Everyone has said that one. While it would be nice, that is not what I am going to ask for. What I would wish for would be clean children. Is that so hard? Why do they have to wipe their hands on their clothes and the table, and the chairs or whatever is around while they are eating. Really? Are you my children? I am so neat and picky and I hate messes. Thus, God has blessed me with dirty, smelly, stinky, sticky boys! However adorable I think they might be, that doesn’t excuse the mess.

 

• Can they just eat over their plate, too, while we are on the subject? It’s not like it’s rocket science. Although the little one could probably figure that out.

 

• DRY, four-year old underwear. Little dude, you are potty trained. You are standing at the toilet. You even have a stool to help you reach up there. WHY must you pee in your pants? Are you not paying attention? Did the awesomest, coolest, bestest airplane ever fly through the bathroom so you had to turn and look and in the process you whizzed all over the toilet seat and your underwear? Come on.

 

• 75 degree weather and no snow

 

•   That the powers that be bring back Friends. I so loved that show.

 

•  That you could rewind time for Rachel and not let her take that Twilight quiz on Facebook. The answer that she was given totally gave away everything that happened in the last books she hadn’t read yet. Her life is now meaningless.

 

•  And while we are on the subject, another Twilight book would be nice as well, Ms. Meyer!

 

• I would also like for my children’s eczema to go away completely and forever!

 

• To have a publisher and marketing agency magically come to my door or email address and volunteer to get me up and running. That would be SWEET!

 

• OK, also World Peace. What?

 

For more spins, visit the Sprite’s Keeper!!

A Christmas Poem

 

I posted this last Christmas Eve, but I thought it was so cute, I had to re-post. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!!

Twas the night before Christmas, a.k.a Christmas Eve

We made it through dinner and nobody heaved

I threw the boys in the tub and got them all clean

While hubby washed the dishes until there was a sparkley sheen

We wrestled them into pj’s and read them a book

One last glass of water and their vitamins they took

They brushed their teeth and gargled like Wookies

Then left out a plate of carrots and cookies

They felt that by the time Santa arrived

The reindeer would probably be carrot deprived

Such thoughtful little children I’ve raised

We put them to bed with compliments and praise

I put on their covers and shut off the light

“Nighty, nighty, sweet babies, may you sleep tight.”

“Nighty, nighty, dear mama, we both love you.”

“See you in the mornin’; I love you both, too.”

Since the children were nestled, tucked up in the bunk

I got comfy on the living room couch with my hunk

Me with my popcorn, he with corona and lime

We had just settled down to watch some prime time

When out of the corner of my eye should appear

Little A out of bed, holding his rear

“I have poo poos, Mama,” he cried.

I rolled my eyes and heavily sighed.

“It’s 9PM, of course you do.

There isn’t a night that goes by when you don’t poo!”

I changed his diaper as quick as a mouse

As hubby was waiting; we were watching House

I returned and then the team was just about to diagnose

It has to be this time – Lupus, of course

When out of the corner of my eye should appear

Little A again, pulling at his ear

“What’s wrong with you now?” I sighed.

“My ear needs cream,” he replied.

So we got out the cream and put House on pause

“You know if you don’t go to sleep, there will be no Santa Claus.”

“OK, Mommy,” he nodded

And off to his room again he so trotted

I looked at hubby for him to press play

Hoping this time in his room Little A will stay

An insulting comment, one snide remark

Dr. House gave his team with Spriteskeeper-like snark

When out of the corner of my eye I did see

Little A, yet again, shuffling up to me

Immensely irritated, I just gave him a look

He grinned really wide and showed me a book

“Mommy, dis is my faborite stowee.”

“Darling, I am trying to watch Hugh Laurie!”

I gritted my teeth and dragged him off to bed

An array of punishments danced in my head

Spankings came to mind; maybe a bar of soap

Strangling is done best with some rope

I covered the child and breathed in deep

“Son, this has to stop, you must go to sleep!”

“But, Mommy, sometimes I just can’t close my eyes!“

“If you don’t then Santa will never leave your surprise!”

He nodded, “OK, Mommy, I will be good.”

I truly hoped this time that he would.

I went back to my hubby and the mental MD

We finished the show, turned off the TV

We wrapped all the presents, set them under the tree

Scattered crumbs on the table from the cookies

Tossed soot near the fireplace and messed up the shoes

(‘Cuz that’s where we put them, don’t know if you knew)

We put on our pj’s and jumped into bed

Too tired for funny business, I patted his head

“Merry Christmas, dear hubby, now turn off the light.”

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

This is it! It’s Christmas Eve! I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope everyone gets what they want under the tree or in their stocking! I hope Santa is good to one and all! But mostly, I hope that no one forgets the real meaning of Christmas. The story about the little baby who was immaculately conceived, born in a manger and grew up and died on a cross for your sins. Please don’t forget about Him. He is the best present that you have been given this year and every year.

God Bless your Christmas and time spent with your loved ones!! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!!

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Before I Go Loco!

We all have routines. Every morning – same old, same old. I think I might have posted what I go through every morning before heading to work awhile back, but this is the actual drive to preschool to drop off Little A and then on to my other full-time job.

I don’t know what everyone else does, but I decompress in the car on the way to and from work. Sometimes. I turn on the classic rock station and turn it up! And I also try to pay attention to those dumb red light cameras. Somebody just shoot me now!

“Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it’s not for days. And the people I meet always go their separate ways…sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink, and times when you’re alone all you do is think…”

“Mommy?….MOMMY!” says Little A.

“Yes?” I am dragged out of my vision of myself playing a guitar solo on stage. (Too much Rock Band.)

“I can’t open my sandwich in my napkin.”

I glance back in the rearview mirror. “Take your mittens off maybe.”

“Ok.”

“I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride. I’m wanted (wanted) dead or alive…”

“Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“I love jerry. It is so good.”

“Cherry? What are you eating? A Cherry starburst?”

“No, jerry!”

“What has cherry?”

“No, JERRY!!!!”

I had to think for a bit. “Oh, JELLY?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s great. Thanks for sharing.” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh, mama, I’m in fear for my life from the long arm of the law. Lawman has put an end to my running and I’m so far from my home…”

“Mommy?…Mommy!”

Big sigh. “Yes?”

“It itches on the left on the bottom of my belly.”

“Really? Don’t scratch it.”

“Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“Look – green!” He points at something out the window.

“Fabulous.”

“The jig is up they finally found me…”

“Mommy?!”

“Yes?!”

“Why are you going this way?”

“Because I am the driver and I feel like it, that’s why?!” Gaaahhh!

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Little A?” My teeth are clenched at this point.

“I’m done.”

“Great.”

“What should I do with my napkin?”

“Put it in the tray by your cup holder.” A crinkled up napkin sails into the front seat.

“Thanks.”

“Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane…hurry, hurry, hurry before I go insane…”

“Mommy?”

“Yes?’ *crying on the inside*

“I need a napkin.”

“Bamp bamp, ba bamp, ba bamp bamp, ba bamp, I want to be sedated!”

RTT: Is it a sharp poop or is it just paranormal activity?

This week’s Random Tuesday Thoughts are brought to you by: the monster under my bed. Man, do I hate that guy.

*This past Saturday, my niece, Bry and Cowee, her boyfriend, babysat and Hubby and I had a nice dinner out alone. We went to a Mexican restaurant – he had steak tacos and a Pacifico, and I had a taco salad and a Rasberry Margarita on the rocks. We also shared a chocolate chimichanga or something and unbeknownst to me, my life would soon change forever!

After, we decided to go to a movie. We were going to see 2012, but it was sold out. So we decided to see Paranormal Activity. I have never had bad dreams after movies, scary or otherwise. I still don’t. But after seeing this, I do have irrational fears now. I haven’t slept very well at all because this movie not only scared me, but creeped me out entirely. I keep thinking about it at night when trying to go to sleep and then I see things in the shadows and hear things in the walls. I usually can pass things off as nothing because it is in a fictional movie, but not this time. I am not going to say a lot about the movie itself, but to give you a glimpse into my crazy fear, I can no longer hang my foot off the side of the bed for fear that I will be dragged down the hall into my impending death. Really a great movie for the scare factor if you are into that – check it out! (My inner child, curled up in the fetal position and rocking uncontrollably while sucking her thumb screams, “DON’T DO IT!”)

*Did I mention how awesome pumpkin seeds are? I think I did.

*This Wednesday my niece turns 21! OMG. I am so friggin’ old! And on top of that, she wants me to take her out for martinis.  So, what…so she could get carded and show her new ID and I just get waved away because I am so obviously old enough to have created alcohol itself compared to her? Pffbbttt. Like, whatever.

*Friday night I went to a coworker’s son’s school for a craft fair and bake sale. Every single direct sales company you could think of was there! It was like heaven, only I was at the pearly gates looking in because I don’t really have the money to spend on all of that stuff! I did buy some stuff from the bake sale and some peppermint bark and sugar coated pecans for Hubby from these ladies who made it themselves: Sweets ALL Ways Yummy, they are delicious! But it was mass craziness there and $2 to even get into the room! All for a good cause, I know, but still….

*Is anyone else concerned that squirrels might take over the world? Probably not with all this other stuff going on. No one is watching out for the squirrels! Fear not because I am…..I am. Everyone says they are rats with fluffy tails, right? Why do we not like rats inside, but think they are oh, so cute outside running around and multiplying like rabbits? And they are getting pretty fat, too. What are they eating – little children? On my way out of our sub-division, I counted 10 squirrels in people’s yards. We are talking like one block. (Our sub-division is not very big.) I used to think crows were going to take over. Have you seen how big those things get? They are like little hawks, ready to peck out your eyeballs. But I haven’t seen as many around these days. Now, it’s all about the squirrels. You’ll see…..you’ll see.

*Some of Little A’s Random Thoughts:

Little A is in a “Life isn’t fair” stage. I don’t even know where he heard it! After being put to bed last night: ” It’s not fair that some people get to watch TV while other people are trying to go to sleep.”

On the way to school, “It’s not fair that you don’t take me to McDonalds every day on the way to school!”

Big A was in the bathroom yelling for Dad. Little A says, “Maybe his butt hurts because he has a sharp poop.”

For more Random Tuesday Thoughts, visit Keely at The Un-Mom!

Honey-Do – A Spin Cycle Re-Post!

****This week’s Spin is a free spin! So I decided to post an oldie but goodie. And I wrote it one year ago today so it sat well with me to re-post it! Enjoy!!

I am sure that everyone gives their hubby a “Honey-Do” list once in awhile. It happens, right? They can’t remember from one room to the next what they were supposed to do in there. Or maybe it is just mine?

Any trip to the store must involve a list if there are more than three items to purchase. Eggs, milk, and bread is a snap. Add some fat-free sour cream, red potatoes, a half a pound of muenster and diet coke to that and it’s all over. You are lucky if they come home at all! They end up just circling the store aimlessly and you lose them in the alcohol section. Beeerrr… need sustenance..must have beeeerrr….

My Hubby has a Blackberry so I always get, “Email me what you want.” It helps when he is on his way home from work and I need something for dinner or we run out of diapers or worse…chocolate. Sometimes it is nice to hear his voice, however, but I have better luck getting him if I email.

So when I need some chores done around the house, of course I have to make a list.

“Honey, while I am gone today, can you throw the towels in the dryer, run the dishwasher and vacuum? And make sure you take a picture of you vacuuming. I promised the bloggers a photo.”

He looks up from the TV with a blank stare. He has heard nothing I have said. I can tell by the vacant look in his eyes. Then awareness comes to him, but he realizes what a situation he will be in if he admits that he didn’t hear me. So he says, “Can you make me a list?” It is always a safe thing for him to say.

I am hip to your jive, mister.

So yesterday, I am working in the office and I hear Hubby tell Big A – while he was watching TV – “Hey, bud, tomorrow when you get home from school, can you sweep the leaves off the porch?” A few moments go by and then…

“Um, can you make me a yist?”

I can not control my laughter as I hear Hubby, taken aback, say, “Uh…yeah…”

Hubby comes back into the office perturbed and a little outraged, but also laughing a little. “Did you hear him?”

I just kept laughing.

“A yist?! He can’t even read!!” He couldn’t decide whether to laugh or to frown.

“He’s just like his Daddy!”

**For more Spin Cycle, go see Jen at Sprite’s Keeper! She’ll keep you spinning!!